A particularly fun part of ache is the capacity that it has to stop us dead in our tracks.
Embarrassment freezes us. Rejection discourages us. Disappointment stimulates us check out of video games and re-evaluate all of the rules.
We perceive the arrival of problems as a reason to cease and desist what were doing. We watch them as a sign to stop moving.
But perhaps were paying ourselves a tomb disservice in doing so.
Because the problem often isnt that our struggles trip-up us up and prevent us from moving forward. The problem is that we choose to stay stuck on problems, to agonize over them, to preoccupy and analyze and dissect them. We decide that if we can get down to the root of our recurring challenges, we can defeat them once and for all.
But sometimes the analysis isnt what helps us.
Sometimes the analysis is just a feeble excuse to stay stuck in the center of our issues, because its easier to dissect them than it is to move on.
Heres the thing:
Pain can be absolutely paralyzing.
When you feel an intense flood of shame, it constructs you want to hide out from the world. When you feel the sharp sting of rejection, it stimulates you want to turn inward and analyze everything that could possibly be wrong with you, so that you dont maintain carrying flaws forward. And when youre in pain, all you want to do is build the entire world stop turning until you have the time and the staman to catch up with it.
But thats the unfortunate thing about life: It doesnt stop moving.
It goes on. And we have to too, if we want to do ourselves any favors.
Because the truth is, nine days out of ten, your strike-out was likely a matter of bad luck.
You fell in love with someone who wasnt “re ready for” a relationship. You applied for a undertaking that didnt need your precise set of abilities. You got all up in your head about an event or an opportunity or a potential and it didnt pan off because, well, it merely didnt.
Because thats life. The superstars arent always aligned.
But the solution to this problem is not to analyze all of the ways in which youre not been enough. The answer is to get back up and prove to yourself “that youre gonna”.
And that entails putting yourself back out there. It means taking the risks that you are most afraid to take. It means looking at their own lives in a series of medians, rather than a series of individual hits and misses, and realizing that for every nine days you strike out, you hit it out of the park at least once.
And that one hit is worth all the strike-outs in the world.
But youre never going to realize that if you allow your failures to vanquish you.
You have to let your failings be events lined up along the road of their own lives rather than identities that you adopt. Because events you can simply move past.
Just keep going.
Just keep going.
Just keep going.
There will be peaks and valleys and long, endless stretchings of sunshine to traveling down on the road ahead. And any dirt that is sticking to your shoes will fall off along the way.
But it wont if you maintain standing in the mud puddle, theorizing about how to make it disappear.
Which is exactly what youre doing when you allow yourself to get caught in analysis- instead of picking up your feet and moving on.