Maybe youre a Republican who gnash their teeth every time Donald Trump opens his mouth. Perhaps youre a Democrat whos just heard “Jail Shillary Clinton” enough for one decade. Or perhaps youre simply a person who gets borne by bearing speeches.
And yet, you still want to do your civic obligation. You want to be able to participate in the watercooler conversation. Or, perhaps, youre a nervous internet novelist who dabbles in politics and you want to continue to justify your salary to the publication that utilizes you.
Fear not! Even if the speeches ramble, the music is suspect, and the balloon drop-off is anticlimactic, there are many ways to build watching the RNC a fun experience for the whole family :
When you watch a baseball game, you find baseball caps. When you watch a rodeo, you ensure cowboy hats. When you watch bearded 27 -year-old programmers in “Buffy” T-shirts reaching on college students, you ensure fedoras.
The hats at the RNC are in another league. A noble league … like The League of Nations.
A league that peaked in 1918.
Cowboy hats ?
Photo by Win McNamee/ Getty Images.
Hats immediately from the costume chest for the West Oakport Community Players production of “The Music Man” ?
Check and mate.
If youre a fan of delightfully anachronistic haberdashery, the Republican National Convention is the small-screen event of the mid-2 010 s.
Melania Trump’s apparent cribbing of a passageway from a 2008 Michelle Obama speech on the first night of the RNC has already sent Trump’s surrogates into a commotion of questionably credible but extremely entertaining refusals.
Some simply feigned it didn’t happen. Some tried to explain it away as a instance of the two women simply having the exact same thinks on the exact same subject. Others suggested that hey! merely 7% of the speech was plagiarized, which really isn’t that much.( College students on deadline, take note !)
There’s no impression quite so warm and cozy as sitting back on your sofa, knowing there’s a number of problems out there in the world … and it’s someone else’s job to deal with it.
The RNC remains Americas# 1 source of elderly people whove still got it, show it, and want you to know it.
Curious what style of arrhythmic jerking was popular in 1962? Appearing forward to seeing some semi-coordinated American flag-ography? Want to watch a county commissioner from Ladysmith, Wisconsin, gingerly hip-bumping the country comptroller of Tennessee?
You only get one chance every four years. Confiscate it!
For Donald Trump, last night’s raucous, backlit entryway to “We Are the Champions” was actually fairly restraint.
Scott Baio( Chachi !) was there Monday night.
So was Antonio Sabato Jr ., who wholly was in something once.
Oh and hey, recollect soap star Kimberlin Brown? No? Well, shes speaking too.
Like Pogs, jelly shoes, and friendship bracelets, you might not have missed them and you might not have even loved them all that much even at the high levels of their popularity, but they’re back, and sure, why not!
In a Monday session with a delegation from Pennsylvania, Paul Ryan took a few seconds to wave a Terrible Towel an badge of the Pittsburgh Steelers in the air…
…which irked some in the city of Cleveland, where the RNC is happening. They were none too pleased to see the Republican leader brandish the banner of their bitter football competitor.
In other news, Cleveland and Pittsburgh are apparently different cities. You learn new things when you watch the RNC!
Fittingly, for a candidate whose highest profile accomplishment is hosting a reality indicate, Donald Trump is really, truly, good at draaaaaaaaaama.
Even before the speeches started, top Trump aide Paul Manafort attacked Ohio Gov. John Kasich America’s Republican uncle as “petulant” for refusing to attend the convention.
“Manaforts problem, after all those years on the lam with thugs and tyrants, is that he cant acknowledge principle and integrity, ” Kasich strategist John Weaver fired back in an e-mail to The New York Times, calling out Manafort’s public relations work for the former president of Ukraine.
Rawr! Go get ’em, boys!
One of the great things about Cleveland hosting the convention is that, if youre not feeling the program, you can just close your eyes and imagine what King James is up to just a few blocks away at any given moment. Perhaps he’s grabbing a brew at the Radisson lobby bar across the street or wandering around the perimeter of Quicken Loans Arena trying to catch a Pikachu!
Train your brain to conjure ‘Bron, and you’re sure to realise a truth that hardened political insiders have long known: The mental image of LeBron James doing anything beats watching the 19 th lieutenant governor shuffle haltingly around the stage to Kid Rocks “Born Free.”
The Washington Post has a robot!
Come for the debut of an amazing, cutting-edge mass communication tool. Stay for the schadenfreude of when it unavoidably, hilariously tip-off slowly forward and plants on its face.
It’s fairly hard to wallow in self pity about having to sit through three prime-time hours of the Trump Family Variety Spectacular when the heroes at FactCheck.org are expending their week watching every minute of both conventions evaluating every ridiculously hyperbolic assert made by every marginal elected official on that stage, presumably with their eyelids videotapeed open.
Every single American owes these people a drinking. At the very least, we need to all go in for a gift basket.
Like this one 😛 TAGEND
A delegate stands on stage. The sunlights are hot. He’s got his suit, tie, and firmest scowl on. He’s projecting a stern air of authority. He’s feeling good.
And then, this happens:
One prop master’s catastrophe is one potato-chip-eating, couch-slouching American’s perfect television.
Between the speeches, the logistical announcements, and the arcane points of order, the playlist on the first day of the 2016 RNC featured a weird collect of B sides “Limelight” by Rush, The Who’s “Eminence Front, ” “Stay With Me” by Rod Stewart that undoubtedly delighted your Uncle Craig:
But it pretty much left everybody else scratching their heads. And you know what, scratching your head is vastly soothing and satisfy, so thanks, music team!
You may not be thrilled about the election. You may think the ads are tacky. You may wish the participants were different( dear God, you may wish the participants were different ).
You can detest everything about the American political process and still be grateful this is how our political transitions go down rather than when the guy in charge dies and his 9-year-old son takes over, or when a bunch of tanks plow over the White House while the president is in Bermuda, or when every federal employee is replaced by an alien impostor except for a single, mild-mannered Nebraska congressman who, luckily, is played by Kurt Russell.
New political administrations in America happen after a bunch of nerdy bureaucrats make a bunch of boring speeches about liberty, justice, and patriotism in support of candidates we dont like very much but who we will dutifully go out and choose between in November .
Its unglamorous. Its stressful. Its frustrate and deplete. But Im going to tune in. Because it really is the worst.
Except for all the other options.
Read more: www.upworthy.com