Ambition can be a serious turn-on, but lets get real: No one to talk about work on a first date.
Try to keep your office talk within the walls of your office. A dialogue about your job will never blossom into anything substantial, and instead, will leave that cute match of yours snoring at the table.
For me, my career can be both a bles and a curse when it comes to trying to meet new men.
I are choosing to listing my profession as a sex and dating writer on my Tinder profile, aiming to use it solely as a branching off phase in conversation. While Im by no means an expert, the fact that I write about the taste of semen while everybody else crunchesnumbers in cubicles tends to interest the average person.
That being said, gentlemen tend to assume things about me just because of my line of work. Guys thinkthat because I write about sex, all I want to do is have sex. Specifically, with them.( As if instead of sexuality and dating writer, my profilesays prostitute .)
Something in their heads watches the word sex and assumes thatthe sole reason Im on Tinderis to fuckpeople I satisfy for the sake of a story( which is literally the of how I operate ).
When Im not dodging comparisons to fictional sex novelists Carrie Bradshaw or Andie Anderson, Im persuading guys that I dont have Taylor Swift Syndrome: Theyre under the impression that Id merely go out with them for a storys sake, and if things were to go south, the first thing Id do would be write a nasty 1000 -word article in which I brandthem the worst person in the world.
Instead of the batch of men eager to act as sexual conquests in my articles, theyre to go out with mebecause of my career.
Basically, I can never win. Ive yet to date person for an extended period of time who lands in that middle ground of curiosity and acceptance.
As I continue to swipe, I have to come to the conclusion that there are plenty of other things I could discuss that would grab “members attention” of any potential suitor. I can save the sexuality and dating bomb for further down the road, and instead, bring up so many other points( 20, in fact) that are just as interesting as my career.
1. Translating feet to inches
I still feel blessed that I escaped high school math unscathed, sosince complete my education, I merely use numbers if necessary.
Try to convertanything higher than twelve inches into a foot and youve lost me. The only day I use a ruler is to measure my penis.
2. The legacy left bySerena van der Woodsen
Gossip Girlfans, hear me out. Blair Waldorf may have left amark on the Upper East Side, but theres no onewho will ever compare to everyones favorite It Girl, Serena van der Woodsen.
Despite the helicopter rides and frequent visits to Bendels, there was always something about her that seemed all too relatable. High class suited her well, but being bad seemed even better.
3. Fake movie theater cheese that accompanies pretzel nuggets
Sure, it savor great when combined with overly salted dough, but imagine consuming it outside the walls of a sticky cineplex. Opportunities are that oozy, neon yellow substance is melting your insides, and could melt a chain-link fence, too.
4. The impact of One Tree Hill and its shooting episode
I could probably pen a full-length novel on the entirety of One Tree Hill and how it greatly impacted my subconsciou as a young teen.
From allnine seasons of life lessons, I believe the biggest takeaway came in the form of season threes school shooting episode.
Its power, capturing so much life, love and loss in forty minutes, will infiltrate my dreams until the end of time.
5. If people actually still buy DVDs anymore
Hopefully the FBI doesnt swarm my apartment by acknowledging this, but I watch bootleg movies regularly. I dont recollect the last day I bought a DVD, let alone stepped foot in a Best Buy or any other electronic store.
My money is better off spent on things of value like Seamless and one-off hot yoga classes. You know, stuff that soothes the soul.
6. How to not burn yourself with matches
The amount of days Ive burnedmy fingertipsin an attempt to illuminated my sugar cookie-scented Yankee Candle is embarrassing.
Frankly, I still question why the wooden death traps still exist in the first place. Lighter or bust, people.
7. When Netflix will learn that I am indeed still watching
I cant tell you how many times Ive been in the midst of a full-season binge before being rudely interrupted by the streaming services automated message.
Yes, I am still watching and no, I have no intention toput on pants either. Any other questions?
8. If sloppy joes could ever not be so sloppy
Typically, I find it hard to say no toheaping piles of sauced meat, but theres just something about the sloppiness of a sloppy joe that deters me from consumption.
Maybe its my inability to embrace mess, but I would love if someone could develop food ingredients that would stimulate the secondary school hot lunch snack simply a lot less well, sloppy.
9. Why black is such a flattering but depressing color choice
Check out my closet and youll see obsidian, midnight and about fifty other shades of black floating around on hangers.
Theres something about the dark material that presents me with a slim figure and alsoassists others in realizing Im in a horrible moodand Id prefer not to be touched.
10. Trumps atrocious presidency thus far
Hilary Clinton forever. Nough said.
11. Celebrities who seem to never age
Jennifer Aniston. Paul Rudd. Kate Hudson. Will Smith. The listing goes on and on.
All I want to know is: Can I have what theyre having?
12. Tequilaslong-termeffects on the human body
I am made up of cheese raviolis and Jose Cuervo.
My tequila intake is likely on the unhealthy side, and while I may not be able to remember my weekend activities after a few cocktails, I have this innate impression my liver may be in need of a replacing in the next few years.
13. How girls manage to walk around in heels
I can barely walk around Central Park in running shoes without cramping up, so shout out to all you ladies who regularly float six inches above the air.
A man would never be asmasterful at stylizingtorture devices for your feet.
14. Why the dad bod wins over abs any day of the week
I cant say I wouldnt throw myself on top of a shirtless man and his sculpted six pack, but theres something more genuine about a guy flaunting his dad bod.
Average dudes just tend to come off more respectful, and, to be honest, likely wont run away from me as fast as someone whos extremely fit.
15. The perfect filter for an Instagram
Being able toliven up a mediocre photo is a skill not everyone is gifted with. Gone are the days of XX-Pro and Valencia ruling the world; instead, serious effort is required in order to garner likes and deem your account successful enough for Instafame .
Do you make the cut?
16. Do blondes actually have more fun?
I may have bleached the front of my hair blonde in third grade, but otherwise, Im a natural brunette. Sorry to break it to you blondies, but Im a fairly damn good time.
17. Nicki Minaj and her assets
Rumors have circulated that the rappers backside is filled with silicone implants, but I guess people are just jealous.
Real or fake, everyone should bow down to Ms. Nicki and those buns, hun.
18. Will we be alive to witness teleportation becoming a real thing?
Being able to travel around the world at will sounds great and all, but I think it needs to come with a mandatory gym membership.
Otherwise, the only place youll find me teleporting from is my bed to my refrigerator.
19. La Croixs impact on the seltzer industry( and mylife)
Who knew carbonated water could make me feel soooooo cool?
20. How much Taco Bell is Taco Bell?
I would feed a Cheesy Gordita Crunch every day for the rest of my days if I could. The limit does not exist.
And if you want to take me to Taco Bell on a date, you might as well propose right then and there.
Its a match.