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15 Things I Always Wanted To Tell To Customers When I Ran In Retail

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1. To the person that says, Oh! It isnt scanning! That must entail its free !

Every time someone tells that joke a cashier dies. I hope you can sleep with that on your conscience.

2. To the person that says, It is such a beautiful day outside. Such a disgrace you have to be in here the working day !

Well, fortunately I have people like you to remind me how sad and vitamin D deficient my life is. Thanks for doing your part.

3. To the person that insists on taking the opportunity of a captive audience to tell me how perfect and great their child is :

You think THAT’S impressive? I assured a kid make a slip n slide with nothing but his own urine and a tile floor. THAT is ingenuity!

4. To the person that insists I check in the back for an item :

Yes! What a great idea !! I forgot we have the sorcery portal back there that we only used only for special guests like you! Let me go activate the control board and get those beamed right in from headquarters. Cant believe I almost forgot about this magic at the tip-off of my fingers!

5. To the person outraged that we dont accept checks :

Well, you know9/ 11?( Because I entail, what can they say to that ?)

6. To the person on their cell phone the entire hour I am ringing them out :

Im sure that telling your bff about your super-hot date with the mega rich lawyer is way more important than taking four seconds to acknowledge there is an actual person standing in front of you, but if you could please but down the phone I would really appreciate it. If you dont, Im going to fart in your purse so there will be a demise cloud reaching you in the face when you open it.

7. To the parent that left their small child unattended in the store so they could go shop for shoes :

Hi. You should change your name to The Reason Birth Control Was Invented.

8. To the person that keeps trying to get me to give them a discount when I have already explained I am unable to do anything to lower the cost :

You were the child who tried to trade his tuna sandwich for pudding cups in elementary school werent you?

9. To the person that starts to tell me WAY too much about their personal issues :

I majored in theater , not psychology. As you can see it has landed me this prestigious task. I cant actually offer you any advice or help you in anyway, but I can sure as hell stand here and act like I care. Does that work for you?

10. To the obnoxious, rich dame complain because things cost too much or other banal first world problems :

Look at your ring finger. Ensure that? That shiny bauble is worth about twice my yearly income. Calm your tits, run get a soy latte and realize you have it better than 99% of people in this country. Saving$ 8 on toys for your kid really isnt going to benefit your life in any way. Also, you seem orange. Work that shit out because its not cute.

11. To the large group of teens that are walking around as if they are burdened by life :

Nothing. I dont talk to youths.

12. To the person that makes a point to tell me how much less expensive products are at other stores :

Heres an idea: Go there and shop. You reek like letdown and I cant manage that right now.

13. To the creepy food court worker that comes into the store and stares at me :

Youre the only one that stimulates me feel special and scares at the same hour. Thanks?

14. To the person that tells, Wow! Youve worked here for a very long time !

Hey, you have shitty kids! Oh? Are we not playing the Lets tell people things that attain them feel dead inside game?

15. To the person that has all of their childrens Christmas presents bought and wrap by August .

Will you adopt me?

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