For the sake of your grandmother’s fragile heart and your mother’s nave mind, dont show up to Mothers Day Brunch wearing an attire that will induce them wonder how many people youve slept with( this past week ). You should aim to look worthy enough to have afternoon tea with the Queen of England, or at the least, one of the old ladies your grandmother plays Mah-Jongg with. Seeming like the poster child for functional mother-daughter relationships will make up for the fact that you probably got your mommy a shitty last minute gift( because you didn’t read our gift guidebook) and/ or the fact that you conveniently get her the most extra, least personalized, overpriced Hallmark card you could find.
Your mother most likely deserves her own fucking island as gratitude for all those periods she made you and your friends Hump Day treats after school. After all, shes not like a regular mommy. Shes a cool mommy.( P.S. Take a shot for every person who uses that quote as their Instagram caption this weekend .) But since you can really only afford to get her a candle, the least you can do is not show up to her celebration brunch looking ratchet. Follow our tips-off to look like the virginal angel you definitely aren’t.
Bring out your inner( PG-version) Samantha Jones by wearing an obnoxiously huge sunlight hat.
^^^ Me wondering why my friends always suppose Im so damn extra
Nothing tells brunch like wearing the floppiest fucking hat you can possibly find. Other than chugging your mimosa every time someone asks if youve resolved down yet, you can now roll your eyes as far back into your head as you want without anyone noticing. This hat is( somehow) rose gold so you don’t even have to suppress your inner basic-ness.
If you dont wear a cute sundress, did you even really brunch? Since all you wear is black, wear a colorful dress or romper, preferably with a fun print, to convince the Fam youre not altogether depressed.( Bonus points if you can get one that twirls because, Boomerang, patently .) Opt for a fit and flare style because youll need to hide that bloat by the time brunch is over and seem good on
Instagram your moms Facebook when she uploads all the family pictures. We both know nothing raises your self-esteem more than when your entire extended family comments on how beautiful you are. This Forever 21 dress hits all those marks and doesn’t expense much so your mommy will be less mad when she checks her credit card statement.
Even though you probs wear chokers to work now, leave it at home on Sunday because your grandmother doesn’t need to know you’re low-key into BDSM. Swap out your black velvet choker for a big statement necklace full of pink, sugar, spice, and everything nice. Everyone will be admiring it so much they wont even notice you secretly drinking them under the table.
You will probably be the only inappropriately drunk person at the table, so its imperative you wear shoes you can walk in by the time you leave. Candidly, we all know day drinking= blacking out by noon, so as long as youre not snapping your ankles every time you try to walk, youre good.
Find neutral colored wedges that will go with anything you decide to wear. The smaller the wedge, the better for youand the less snide comments you’ll get from your mommy about how you’re “not her daughter” because she “could never walk in those heels”. Aim for a pair that has a business in the front, party in the back vibe. For example, wedges that lace up in the front and zip up in the back means you can literally kick them off when you get home and pass out.
If you can get through brunch without throwing up in your purse or getting lectured about your drinking problem, congratulations. Your mommy probably doesnt think youre a mistake anymore.
Read more: www.betches.com