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To The Friend I Have Lost, Thank You For Teaching Me How To Be Better

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Okay. So, I read this on a scene. Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that for them.

I have been analyzing my past friendships and thinking about why each one of them aimed. What is it that I lacked, or what it is that they lacked, if it is was avoidable, or how can I learn from all that happened and didnt happen. There are always casualties on both sides in a fight. The least I can do is look back and maintain myself from recurring the same mistakes like before. Self-reflection is the highest form of respect I can give to all these relationships that changed me, sometimes irreversibly, into a different person. Some people built me kinder, some made me more callous. I came up with the following observations. These are the ground rules for my future relationships, and Ive define these in such a way that stimulates both people, me and my friend, dignified to ourselves . 1. If Im keeping you as a priority in my life, I would expect that in return too . I dont guess I have the energy to give 100% of myself to people who give me just 10% back of their real selves, anymore. Im going to reciprocate what I get. Nothing more , nothing less. I might care for you more than you care for me, but dont believe for one second, that Im going to let that cloud my judgment. Im going to give 100% of myself TO myself first. 2. If were having a disagreement, I would see how far youre willing to go before you lose it and how you respond to that . I hate losing, but for my friends, Id purposefully lose a thousand arguments, because, their friendship is more important to me than my pride. Respecting each others sentiments is very important. Not merely in friendships, but in general. Not everybody you fulfill is going to agree with everything you say. Sometimes disagreements are healthy, sometimes theyre toxic. Agreeing to disagree is a healthy way to go. You can merely put that subject under a list of things you wont talk about, if the subject is that serious. You dont need to fight about everything you feel differently about. Its okay, you can let it be. 3. If you hearrumorsabout me and dont tell me, that seems reallywrong, because whenever I hear something bad about anybody who I care about, first I tell the person concerned . Its better if they hear it from you, than someone whispering it or hollering it at them in a hallway or during class. Dont be swayed by what other people, who are not in your friend circle, say about your friend. If you distance yourself from me, solely because of something you heard somewhere, Im going to give up on you. First confirm it immediately from your friend, never assume things. Never, ever, ever assume things about someone based on what you heard. Nothing hurts more than distrust from people whom you trust the most. Relationships are irreversibly violated that style. And you both suffer. One cant forgive, and another cant stop apologizing. 4. When I get a text/ call, I immediately reply or apologize profusely if Im late for any reason . Dont be a shit, and kindly apologize to me if youre late. Thats a sign of respect. I dont care how much best friends we are. Respect is an important aspect in any kind of relationship to me. I devote respect to you, I deserve it too. And Im going to let you know if you disrespect me, and if youre not willing to fix it, Im going to let you go. Nobody is more important to me than me. Im not going to let anybody hurt me anymore. I can suffer, for you, with you. But, Im done suffering BECAUSE of people. I dont deserve the hurt from people who feel no repentance while hurting me. These borders will keep me alive. 5. If you try and understand me, Ill try and understand you. If you cant, tell me. But dont you go and talk to other people about me. Thats how rumorsstart . Ask me things about me that youre uncertain about, tell ME what you think about my bad facets, Ill try, yes, Ill try my best to fix them, for you. Dont tell other people my flaws; dont tell them my secrets because you had nothing else to talk about. Dont tell them how my parents and I opposed; dont tell them how much I have thought about dying. Dont tell them things I just told YOU. Tell me if you cant handle my sorrow; tell me if you hate something I do. Dont tell others. Dont tell others. If youre in a fight with a friend, dont go around telling people their secrets because youre angry or hurt. If you do, expect that person to never, ever come back to you. Thats the worst thing you can do to somebody. You violate their spirits and their trust in everything. Keep people secrets even if you are not in one another life anymore.

6. I expect you to JUST listen to me when I tell you that Im “re going through” a rough patch when I always do that for you. Opportunity are probably that if you dont listen to me, I would probably do that anyway when it comes to you.But if I cant say to you things that bother me, what is the point of our friendship? Relationship is about being there in the rough times more than the happy times. Im ready to sell my soul for your happiness; are you able do that for me? Do you have any notion how much it hurts when youre there for somebody, when youve always set someone ahead of you, and they just brush you aside, when you need them? Honestly, it feels like youre getting stabbed over and over again. It hurts like hell.If you or me, if we hurt each other like that, unintentionally, Ill do my best to make it up to you. Please do that for me too. Even if were having a bad day ourselves, and we just dont have the energy to be there for one another, please dont dismiss the text or bellow. Tell me, Im so sorry, I had a rough day. Ill definitely talk to you tomorrow. Ill understand. Ill understand.

7. When youre actually, truly friends with person, even if you dont share interests with them, you still try and keep abreast with their interests because you want to see their smile when you know something about they like . Dont make me feel small and insignificant for liking bands you dont like, or not liking an actor/ actress you like. Insults from my friends make me really self-conscious about myself. Foster me, Ill encourage you. Dont make me feel small because we have different opinions on things. Dont make me feel stupid for not knowing about something popular. You might forget about it 10 seconds after you said it, but Ill replay it again and again throughout the night. Sometimes it takes simply a wrong sentence to cause the rift between two unbreakable people. Ill try to be honest with you when you say something that hurts me. Please do that too. I am more than happy to apologize to you. Dont swallow the hurt all by yourself. Ill try to make it better.

8. I expect you to choose me cause I will choose you no matter what. Even sometimes over my siblings. If youre really my friend, that is. But when you abandon me, for mere things that you might have liked doing that hurts a fucking lot. Even if you dont guess Ill like it, ASK ME FIRST. Id go to hell with you, if you asked me to. Dont presume shit and leave me behind.

9. I expect my friends to know that even though its no secret that I love being alone and require a lot of private space , even when were hanging out, if I tell you to leave me alone during a difficult time and you altogether leave me alone, that sucks so much to be honest, cause if I was in your shoes, I would still keep nagging me until I eventually fessed up that Im genuinely fucking sad. Dont leave me alone when I need you the most cause I ask you to. Nobody wants that. Just asking, How are you now? every once in a while is enough. Dont call, though. Come visit me. Watch how Im doing. Sometimes the presence of someone is enough to mend the pain that you never believed could be healed.

10. Wish me at 12:00 A.M on my birthday. Dont fall asleep. Because no matter how tired I am , no matter what disagreement we mightve had, if its your birthday, Im wishing you AT 12:00 A.M. Ill constantly keep letting you know that even though you dont like me like you used to, youll always be my friend and I treat my friends like royals. Ill always tell you how grateful I am to have you as a part of my life. There arent enough I love yous in the world, there arent enough Im sorrys, and Ill find them all for you. Ill never stop be borne in mind how special you are. We have to treat one another like treasures because WE ARE TREASURES. Friendship is the most valuable rich, one that increases in value when shared. There is no equivalent to it. If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend I hope I should have the intestines to betray my country, E.M.Foster said. Choice, thats the thing. Opt me, Ill select you.

This is to all the friends that Ive lost over the years, or who drifted apart, the ones who left me alone, the ones who never did, the ones who never talked to me after I told them the latter are the best people I had ever met, the ones who turned their backs on me so fast and destroyed my reputation as retribution or revenge.

I STILL think about you. I still suppose and smile of all the good things you said to me .

The times you stood up for me. The hours we shared food, the pictures that we took together with the captions of how well never, ever leave each other.

Thank you for everything, even the bad memories.

You taught me that nothing lasts eternally and that is perfectly alright.

I have been completely at fault many times for not reaching out when I should have but simply to let you know, Ive learned my lesson.

Just to let you know, Ill never, ever let anyone else down like I did to you. And to the ones that I still have pictures of in my phone, I still ask about you from old friends.

So, so many people have left me, so many I see from day-to-day, they look at me like they dont know me. But I do. And Ill still smile at you. Because you wanted to break me, by destroying me, but you know what? Thank you. You stimulated me stronger and kinder than I ever couldve imagined.

Thank you so goddamn much.

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