Why I set 400 condoms in the kitchen drawer for my sons
As a youth worker, Amy Barwise is used to dealing with pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, but after a week of revelations at home and run she decided safer was better than sorry
An hour before the kids get home from school on Friday, I check the kitchen drawer where Ive left about 400 condoms for the sons. Its virtually empty. Clearly its been a busy week on the sexual front in my small house. Nothing to do with me and Ive been in all week, so I know theres been no action within these four walls.
I make a cup of tea and mull it over. Its been a hectic week.
Last Friday, the landline rang. As it usually entails its person over 40 calling , nobody else answers, so I do. But it was my son Bens best mate; sunny, chatty Danny. He voiced like he was a million miles away. He asked if Ben was in and when I said yes, he explained he needed to talk to him and was coming straight over. And he was gone.
I told Ben, who seemed shifty. Nothing unusual in that.
I guessed the call had something to do with last Saturdays sleepover at another friends house. Danny had siphoned off the top inch of spirits from his mothers collecting and mixed them into such a lethal cocktail that he was hospitalised and his daddy was called.
When Danny arrived, he was ashen and scarcely looked at me as he headed upstairs. Five minutes later, I heard sobbing. Ben came down and waved me up urgently.
Danny sat on the bed, head down, face blotched, shoulders shaking. Ben told me what was wrong. Two and half months ago, Danny had sexuality for the first time. The 16 -year-old girl told him she was on the pill. She wasnt.
Now she was pregnant with twins and keeping them. Danny maintained repeating that their own lives was over and this was why hed got so drunk at the party. He couldnt face telling his mothers. Ben asked me if I would. You could hear a pin drop. They both looked at me, pleading.
It was not an easy chore. I felt for them all. I also guessed, breathlessly, that it could happens to my children so easily. The UK has the highest rates of teenage pregnancy and abortion in Europe according the Family Planning Association. The average age for first time heterosexual sex is 16 for girls and boys.
As a youth worker, I spend a lot of period dealing with problems arising from narcotics, drink( sometimes thats the mothers problem ), social media, contraception, pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections( STIs ). All in no particular order.
The Monday following Dannys revelation, and with his parents shell-shocked faces in my head, I am in the waiting room of an STI clinic. Im accompanying 17 -year-old Ella. She guesses she may have chlamydia. Its an easily transmitted STI and pretty much symptomless, but it can lead to infertility. Not that clever Ella wants a newborn shes ambitious and thats a great contraceptive.
She didnt want to go to her GP for it to go on her record or talk to her mothers, who have never mentioned sex. She asked me to stay while she got tested, and therapy if necessary, and pick up free condoms. Shes confident and aware. I am really impressed. At her age I would have been mortified in here. As it is, I feel a prickly heat in case I insure person I know. As a single mother with three children, my love-life has flat-lined.
The blonde nurse who calls Ella is bright and breezy with dazzling white teeth and red lipstick. The nurse chats about the climate; how she likes Ellas cool skinny jeans and sky-high shoes. She makes us feel comfortable in seconds. The well-built physician looks like he should be on a rugby pitch. While Ella is otherwise occupied, I ask him how it is for young people locally. Hectic, he says. I wish they were as sensible as Ella. Its carnage out there for teens. We have such hang-ups about sex and young people in this country. And older people too.
He looks at me. I blush.
He adds: I wish it was like Holland. Underage pregnancies and STIs are far more under control. When boy meets girl they get tested and sorted for contraception before sex. We dont talk openly here. I am open with my patients. I had an STI at 18. If you have unprotected sexuality, it happens.
I nod. I need to drum it into my own sons. The doctor asks me the murderer question: When do you think the riskiest period for sex is?
I believe all sex is risky but shrug my shoulders and say: My sons are 16 and 15. They probably think about it all the time.
He agrees: Day and night. And the time they are most likely to have sex is between 3.30 pm, after school, and before parents get in from work.
Weve had adolescents tell us “theyre using” crisp packets because they are too embarrassed to buy condoms or cant afford them. We give out free contraception and sometimes money to get the bus home.
I think of crisp packets burning saltiness and the terrible noise they must make. Surely that is more embarrassing than buying condoms? Not in the heat of the moment. I am glad I am always home at 3.30 pm.
Ella taps me on the shoulder, smiling. She hasnt get chlamydia. She takes home a free box of condoms in a plain white plastic purse. The doctor says to me: Wait a minute.
He returns with another plastic suitcase. Inside are four boxes with hundreds of condoms. Ella smirks as he says: That should last you. I blush from my neck to the roots of my hair.
Off we go. The two of us armed for any sexual encounter for the next decade.
When my sons, Ben and Aaron, return, I tell them where Ive been.
Weird job you have, says Ben, looking in the cookie closet, which is bare because they have been through it like locusts.
I clear out the kitchen describe. Aaron ignores the whole scene and asked whats for dinner. Pizza. Again, I say as I tip-off a river of condoms in. They both say: Ohhh, Mum!
Look, I add, these should last. Im not fostering you. This is sensible. You dont have to buy them and you dont have to worry.
I dont mention crisp packets.
A week goes by in a snowstorm of run, cooking and domestic chores. All mine. Weve heard nothing from Danny.
So, when I open the condom drawer and its virtually bare I do a double take. I close it and wonder where theyve all gone? Ive been home when they got back from school every day. Ben and Aaron return first; my younger daughter, Molly, is at an after-school club. She knows about the condoms but is uninterested and embarrassed.
I open the drawer and ask the boys: Where are they?
Ben creates his thick eyebrows and looks at Aaron who blushes the same way I do.
Ben tells: Mum, you helped Danny. And because of whats happened youve done a great service to the community. The lad in my year are now protected. You have single-handedly prevented unwanted pregnancies and if theres a dip in teen-births here next year its down to you.
Its the longest speech hes made since puberty. I giggle until there are tears in my eyes.
Names have been changed
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Foot dentistry and muscle gnawing: Sexuality workers reveal weirdest petitions on Reddit
When you imagine the possible answers to the question Sex employees, what is the strangest thing a client has asked you to do? youre probably imagining some extremeand obviously sexualscenarios: armpit fetishes, adult newborns, practices usually kept behind the bathroom door, and so on. While all of those did get a mention in the popular AskReddit thread, which went live four days ago, some of the most bizarre answers from sexuality workers were the customer requests that involved no sexuality at all.
Female and male sexuality workersincluding cam girls/ guys, strippers and escortsreported a colorful range of encounters in a thread that now has over 8,500 commentaries: some very NSFW, some sad, some plain inexplicable. Here are our highlightings 😛 TAGEND
I used to waitress at a strip club. I remember one dude came in and asked girls to let him rub their elbows.
I had a friend who was a sex worker. My favorite story from her was a client who wanted her to stand in a corner, facing the wall, wearing nothing but combat boots and reading from Ulysses.
worked in a sexuality shop. She had the usual smorgasbord of clients, but one guy came in and asked to buy her socks for like $100. I was like, ‘Did you tell him were to go? ‘ ‘Hell no, ‘ she tells, ‘I sold them on the spot and ran barefoot the rest of the day.'”
6 Things To Remember If You’re Frustrated With Your Sex Life In Your 20 s
Navigating sexual relationships in your 20 s can be tough, rough and downright awkward. We’ve been in your shoes. And as Jay Z once told, Hov did that so hopefully you wouldn’t have to go through that.
What I’m trying to say is, we take the hit so you don’t have to. In that spirit, Elite Daily sat down with two experts on the subject of sexual exploration, Murf Meyer and Diana Kolsky. The married couple are hosts of Mnage Trois Radio, along withUCB slapstick hosts and performers.They can also be seen on The Chris Gethard Show, and havebeen featured in Penthouse.
Between the two of them, they’ve been throughevery kind of sexual peak and valley. Here are some of their tips-off for navigating the crule world of sexploration in your 20 s 😛 TAGEND
Find Your Lid
As Diana put it, There’s a lid for every pot; find your eyelid. A big section of our 20 s is expended trying to mold someone to fit our sexual preferences, or being modeled in someone else’s sexual image. Enough is enough.
There are too many people on this blue marble to waste time with someone who is not on your same sexual page. If you’re with someone who doesn’t like a lot of the sexual things you like, find someone else, Says Murf.
Get out there and find the lid that’s right for your pot.
Keep It 100
When it comes to the bedroom, Murf says to stay truthful. Straight up honesty , no bullsh* t; you’re never going to get what you want if you’re timid.
He’s right; your 20 s are entailed for sexual exploration. When asked about the sexual sadness of her 20 s, Diana told: I expended my 20 s hoping stuff would happen and it wouldn’t. Just state your needs.
The moral of the tale is this: Be proactive in your sex life. If you want to do something, say something. If your partner is into it, they’re into it. If they’re not, they’re not. Talk about it before you try it.
As Murf put it, 15 seconds of awkwardness is better than 15 minutes of awkwardness.
Curb Your Infatuation
Living through your 20 s is a nearly-universal human experience. What’s different is the era we come of age in. Baby Boomers and Gen X didn’t have social media or online dating to suffer through during the course of its formative years of adulthood.
Diana has a simple tip-off: Don’t online stalk! We know social media stimulates cyberstalking incredibly tempting. The 20 -somethings of this age have to practice a restraint that is unparalleled.
Young lovers of times past would have been just as bad as Millennials when it comes to social media. Imagine Romeo and Juliet; they would have been insufferable online. They would Facebook stalked the sh* t out of each other. They would constantly post cryptic messages, and ultimately changetheir relationship status to, Succumbing For You. But back to the reality.
The Murf man recommends turning off the screens and fulfilling people in person like it was done in the old country. Nothing beats sitting down with a person and seeming in their eyes. Right on, Murf!
Sex Gets Better With Age
Murf and Diana put our dreads to bed and had reaffirmed that sex, in fact, does get better with age. We can all inhale a collective sigh of relief. But things do change; it’s quality over quantity. When you’re in your 20 s, you are able to f* ck like rabbits. When you’re older you f* ck more like cougars, which voices nice.
Cougars are so much sexier than rabbits, right?
According to Murf, some postures might be off limits the older you get. Hurling your back away while 69 ing is something that may happen. So as you get older, take a cue from Usher and do it “Nice and Slow.”
Don’t Go Straight To The Bedroom
It’s nearly second nature to immediately run to the bedroom once sexual urges making such a presences known, but Murf and Diana advise young people to start the action away from the home field.
This is the best way to build up anticipation and keep growing relationships exciting.
Make It Last Forever
As we age, sex, regrettably, can start to take a back seat. But according to Murf and Diana, it doesn’t have to. We are often made to believe our 20 s isthe bestdecade of our lives, and it’s presumed there’snothing to look forward to after that.
As someone slapping 30 in the back of the neck, I can attest to that fear. But recollect, your 20 s are not the end; they’re the beginning.
Your 20 s is when you lay down your sexual foundation. It’s the cornerstone of the rest of your sexual lives. Never expect to stop having fun. As Murf and Diana advocate: Never stop having sex. It will change over time, as all things do, but if you build your sexual ego a top priority, it can last forever.
In the immortal terms of Johnny Knoxville’s “Bad Grandpa, ” “You might get too old to stuff the envelope but you are able to lick the stamp.”
Stay horny, my friends.Go to Homepage