Mike Fleiss Is Spoiling The Fuck Out Of ‘The Bachelor’ On Twitter

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Creator of ette Mike Fleiss has been tweeting out a surplus of “Behind the Scenes” footage and in other news, my growing attraction to Nick Viall continues to be problematic.( I find him equally bone chilling and evoking and it’s become v confounding .)

Trigger warning: some of these spoilers are DARK as fucking. Like, this show is already darknes( the final prize is marriage? ew LOL) and now there’s a DARK( but not in skin tone, because ABC is racist) leading. What I’m saying is you should prepare your intellect soul and body for this next season of because it will eclipse itself in total darkness and people might succumb. Especially if they have sex, because then they will get pregnant and they will die.

Mike on the contestants:

Plot twist: The female is actually Ivanka, she turns into the next Bachelorette, and Donald Trump joins the show as a contestant with the hope of marriage her.

Mike on Nick being basic as hell:

I bet Nick’s favorite movie is. And.

Mike on his love for white people( specifically, blonde women ):

Nice, Mike. Real nice.

Mike on Nick’s receding hairline:

That hairline is chillin’ It’s tryin’ to escape.

Mike on more white people selling their souls to the demon Mike:

Oh cool. One black womanpossibly two. Cue the sarcastic slow clap for ABC.

Mike on what Nick Viall’s marriage would look like if he never found:

Aka a shotgun wedding with one random homeless guest and a bride who refuses to wear shoes because she’s a “free spirit.”

Lastly, Mike on this pic of my grandfather Neil Lane who is all smiles because he gets paid literally hundreds of thousands of dollars to open boxes. And also likely because he has an addiction to pain killers:

Love you Neil!( Are you ok ?)

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