17 Indisputable Reasons Why I Am A Terrible Human Being

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Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates

1. I almost never hold the elevator door when I hear my neighbors come through the front doorway. Instead I mash the” doorways closed” button multiple times and pretend like I’m super enthralled with an almost always nonexistent text message if they do happen to catch up and sneak in.

2. And along the same lines, I have little to no interest in getting to know most of them. I’ve never been a” hey neighbour !” various kinds of girl so building small talk with someone just because we happens to share a wall and a mail room seems so forced to me.

3. I judge people based on their footwear. Especially if they wear tennis shoes as casual wear outside of a gym.

4. A few years ago someone’s makeup subscription box came through my mail…and I kept it.

5. I don’t care that my dog is sort of grumpy and generally dislikes other living thing and growling at the door when she hears people walk by. I actually think it’s a beautiful instance of animals and humen taking on each other’s personalities and I’m not mad about it.

6. At least half of the time( including now while I’m writing this) when I’m wearing headphones I’m not playing anything. I merely have them on so no one tries to talk to me and if they do, I’m not perceived as being ** AS ** rude when I do not respond.

7. I don’t always recycle.

8. And I don’t compost.

9. And I almost always have at least one light one at all periods in my apartment. Whether it be my salt boulder lamp or otherwise.

10. I leave friend petitions pending on Facebook for months and then merely reached “deny” like … 90 days later.

11. When asked a stupid topic I’ve passive aggressively responded with “ha” before actually answering.

12. And I maintain that there are, in fact, very stupid questions that people should not ask unless they truly are for whatever reason completely incapable of figuring out how to use Google. Therefore, I feel like my “ha” is justifiable.

13. I’ve purposefully selected” log out of all devices” on some of the streaming services I let my friends have the passwords to because they were fucking up my queue in profileand not use the designated profiles I induced for( Whoever was watching, this is your goddamn defect .)

14. I have acquaintances that I merely continue to interact with because their lives are so messy and all over the place and frankly, it is entertaining.

15. I do not believe all babies are beautiful or all children are great. Sometimes children have features they REALLY need a few years to grow into and act like little, bratty tyrants and so no, I don’t have to think they’re cute just because they’re tiny.

16. I don’t break down my boxes before putting them into the recycling room. Ever.

17. I know I’m a bad person, and I don’t try to hide it. “Ha.”

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